A Not So Perfect Valentines' Day
by Cadpig Writes
Summary: It's Valentines' Day, and Queen Delightful and her beloved husband, King Starchbottom, want to spend quality alone time with one another. But as the romantic ambiance between them grows, it is abruptly interrupted by a phone call from Uncle Humidor. Rated T for brief and mild suggestive description. Cover art was drawn by me :)


_**"But Cadpig, Valentines' Day was months ago." I know, I know. I wrote this a few days after Valentines' and originally published it on my Wattpad account. It wasn't until recently when I decided I wanted to publish it here. I made the story up as I went along so I apologise if this drabble seems a bit disorganised and grammatically incorrect. Oh and for a warning, this one-shot has a little more smut than I have ever written, so beware.**_

"Oh, Starchy, this looks really...fascinating." The Queen gazed at what was supposed to be a heart shaped cake. She poked her finger at the hard, burnt surface only to witness it puff into a pile of ashes. Starchbottom, already feeling severely disappointed, bowed his head down in shame as he hid his face in his hands. "I'm so sorry, Queen Delightful. This was supposed to be the perfect Valentines' Day cake, but I added too much baking soda and then there was too little vanilla extract an-and I over cooked it an-"

The queen stopped him by grabbing onto his wrists, forcing him to reveal his red face to her, and gently press her lips against his. "It's completely okay, my king." She whispered as she pulled away. "We both had a rough and stressful day today." The king sniffed and smiled. He truly appreciated his beloved wife doing everything in her power to ensure his happiness and comfort, but he wanted to return the favour somehow, and tonight was his chance to do so.

So King Starchbottom pulled Queen Delightful into a deeper kiss as he rested his hands on her waist, meanwhile the Queen wrapped her arms around his neck, gently running her fingers through his matted hair. Starchbottom pulled away shortly before he brushed soft kisses all over her face and neck. "I have another surprise for you." He muttered in between smooches. "Another surprise? Is it another burnt cake?" She asked, giggling as Starchbottom stopped kissing her so he could shoot her a playful glare. "I was joking, you know I always appreciate your effort. Now, about that surprise." Queen Delightful gasped when her husband picked her up as he reattached his lips to her neck. He slowly carried her all the way to their chambers.

Just before he opened the door, he instructed her to close her eyes. "Oh, Starchy, you know I can't wait long when it comes to surprises." The queen couldn't contain her giggles any longer, she put her hands over her eyes. "It won't take much longer, my Sweet Delight." He swiftly opened the door and immediately rested her on their bed. "Keep them closed, my queen." The queen felt her husband unwrap his arms from their tight hug, leaving her to lie in bed with her eyes still closed. She heard some sort of smooth jazz music play faintly from behind her. " _I guess it's to set the romantic mood."_ She mumbled to herself. Other than the music she heard very little noise come from around her, the only other audible sound that could be heard were the crickets chirping their usual night time symphony just out their window.

Queen Delightful waited a minute or two until she felt King Starchbottom hug her again. "You can open your eyes now." She fluttered her eyes open. Her sight was met with the darkened crimson coloured drapes surrounding the area around them. Three candles stood on one nightstand, dimly illuminating the enclosed area, and a bucket filled to the top with ice with a bottle of pink champagne erect in the middle, stood on the nightstand opposite to that of the nightstand of candles. The queen turned to Starchy, completely awestruck. At first glance, she didn't recognise her husband with the unusual outfit he had on. He wore an informal green tuxedo, the jacket left unbuttoned revealing his chest, his hair finally got a breath of fresh air from being under that hat for too long, and a large black bow tie wrapped around his neck. Queen Delightful's face heated up immensely, her blush slowly consuming her entire face. "Oh Starchy, you look so gorgeous in that suit, especially with your chest showing." She lunged forward to kiss him crazy. "I-I knew you would like it." He stuttered, carefully climbing onto the bed with her so that they could make out comfortably.

Starchbottom suddenly remembered the champagne, so he slowly sat up with the queen still clinging onto him, and grabbed the bottle along with two champagne glasses. "Would you like some pink champagne, m'dear?" Queen Delightful let out a thrilled squeal. "Would I ever?! Is it strawberry flavoured?" He nodded. "Your favourite!" His wife stopped him from opening it, insisting that she wanted to do it herself despite the fact that she barely knew how. "Are you sure? It might be…a little difficult to open." Starchbottom was usually the one to open the wine bottles, so he had more knowledge and tricks on how to unscrew a tight cork. He watched the queen struggle a bit before he gave her a little hand. "Here, press your thumb firmly against the cork, and flick upwards." With one final attempt, _***POP***_ , the queen got it open. The foam from the champagne began to spew out of the bottle and onto the bed sheets. The king quickly put the champagne glasses under the waterfall of wine. "Oh no! Now the covers are soaking wet." He exclaimed. Queen Delightful ruffled his hair. "It's okay. I figured that we would have to wash the covers tomorrow anyway as soon as I saw that you had decorated the room because...well...you know what's going to happen later." She said with a smirk. Starchbottom's face flushed bright red, understanding what she meant.

The king did the best he could to clean up the mess, that was until the queen stopped him. "Don't worry about it, my love." She cooed, she handed him one of the glasses. King Starchbottom let out a small sigh, taking the glass into his hand, he raised it above them. "To us on this Valentines' Day!" He proclaimed. Queen Delightful raised her glass to his height. "To us!" She repeated gleefully. They clinked glasses and took a large sip of their fizzy drink. The queen smacked her lips together, highly enjoying the sweetened strawberry flavour of the wine and the sensation of fizz slightly burning her esophagus on the way down. "Mmm, this is so good, Starchy." She said shortly before she took another large gulp. "It is, isn't it? I only picked the best for my darling wife." He planted a kiss on her cheek, causing her to slightly giggle. The two sat on their passion bed, drinking their sparkling beverage while joking and giggling with one another.

Queen Delightful was the first to finish her drink, setting the glass aside, she wrapped her arms around Starchbottom as she began to give him sloppy kisses all over his neck. The king felt a chill run down his back, he quickly downed the rest of his drink but was careful so that he wouldn't choke. As he rested his glass on the nightstand, the queen slowly undid his bowtie so she could continue to make a trail of wet kisses to his chest. "Ah-hah, this feels really good, your highness." He groaned, he wrapped one arm around her, and put the other behind him to give him support as he leaned back. Queen Delightful pulled back after a long while of swirling her tongue all across his chest, she sat up straight as she began to remove her crown and ruffles. Starchbottom took them and put them beside the champagne, as he gazed back at her, she had removed a good portion of her dress, leaving her top half in only a bra. Now the mood was completely set. Queen Delightful and King Starchbottom began French kissing passionately as they calmly and delicately help strip each other completely naked. "The covers." She muttered in his ear as she continued to kiss him. Starchbottom, without breaking the kiss, grabbed the sheets and pulled it over them.

Uncle Humidor stood by the ticket booth of the Jollywood train station with a large briefcase that held a bunch of art supplies and clothes. He looked left and right, waiting for his royal niece to arrive, but caught no sight of her through the dense fog. He let out a bothered sigh, " _She was supposed to be here an hour ago."_ He grumbled, he flipped open his pocket watch to get a peek of the time. " _Ten past eleven, the train departs at twelve."_ Out of concern and discontent, he decided to use the last of his change to use the public can phone. He inserted the money into the machine and put the can to his ear, pleading that she or her husband would answer.

Back at the castle, things had gotten very _steamy_ between the Jolly Royals. Playful, innocent giggles and the sounds of groans and kissy noises came from under the covers as the lump moved up and down in a slow rhythmic pace. The can phone beside them on the nightstand began to jingle off the hook much to their annoyance. Starchbottom poked his hand out from under the covers, blindly knocking things off the table just to find the phone. As soon as he found it, Delightful grasped onto his wrist. "No don't answer it, let it ring. Whoever it is can call later." She whined. But Starchbottom did the opposite, he slowly got off of her, causing them both to let small groans pass through their lips, and uncovered himself from the comforters. "What if it's an emergency? What if someone we know is in need of help?" He asked, preparing his hand to grab it. "Well, they should call the authorities…." The queen gave him an annoyed frown, she really didn't want one simple phone call to ruin the romantic atmosphere between them. But at the same time, he was kind of right.

So with much dissatisfaction, she reluctantly let go of his wrist so he could answer the phone. Starchbottom gave her a kiss before he turned around, and picked up the phone. "Hello?" A cross, gruff tone of voice responded from the other end of the line. "Hello, Starrybottle? It's Uncle Humidor." Starchbottom smiled a little. "I-It's Starchbottom, sir. But how is everything?" "Not so great. I'm here at the train station waiting for Queen Delightful. Where is she?" "Queen Delightful...?" The king looked down at his wife. She mouthed the words " _Who is that?" "Uncle Humidor."_ He responded, watching as she raised an eyebrow. "Yeah umm- s-she's right here beside me." "She's still at the castle? She was supposed to meet me at the train station about an hour ago!" Uncle Humidor raised his voice into the can, causing Starchbottom's ear to ring. "Uh t-the train station, sir?" Queen Delightful looked at him with a muddled face. " _Train station? What is he-"_ Her eyes widened in sudden realisation. "Oh my goodness, that's **TODAY**?!" Starchbottom flinched in surprise. "W-what's today? What's going on?" The queen took the can from him and put it to her own ear. "I'm so so sorry, Uncle Humidor! I didn't realise today was Thursday! I'll be there soon, okay?" "Very well then, but hurry because the train is going to leave very shortly. See you soon, my niece." "See you soon, Uncle Humi." Queen Delightful reached over Starchy to put the phone back on its hook. She glanced at him dejectly. "I've got to go."

He pulled her into one final kiss before asking, "Why on Valentines' Day?" She briskly climbed over him so she could pick up her clothes from off the floor. "He had only mentioned Thursday, not the date." She threw on her undergarment and the outer layer of her dress. "I'm so sorry, my love. I promise, as soon as I come back, I'll make it up to you." She whispered, kissing his nose. "When are you coming back?" "Erm...t-tomorrow afternoon." She murmured as she turned around to head out the door, a sense of sadness could be heard in her voice. Starchbottom felt his heart break into two. "Tomorrow?!" Queen D quickly turned around so she could give him a bear hug. "I know, I know, sweetheart. I-I promise I'll take you on a two week holiday, anywhere you would like. Sound good?" "I suppose. I just want to spend time with you, my delight." He whimpered. "So do I, my green knight. I wish I could bring you with us, but Uncle Humidor wanted to spend some time with me." The queen held her husband for a long while before she realised she was running even more late than before. "I really got to go. I'll be back at around 3pm tomorrow, I promise." Starchbottom watched her grab a handful of clothes from her drawers and shove them into her royal duffle bag. She clutched onto the bag in her hands, bowing briefly in front of her king before running out the door. "See you tomorrow. I love you so much, Starchy." She whispered, shutting the door softly behind her. "I love you so much as well, Queen Delightful." He responded as she closed the door.

The train blew its whistle, notifying people near and far that it was about to depart the station any minute. Uncle Humidor purposely put himself in the very back of the line so he could wait for his niece. He constantly darted his head back and forth, worried that the queen wasn't going to make it. Just as he was about to lose hope, he heard the sound of fast paced footsteps. "I'm here, Uncle Humi, I'm here!" Queen Delightful ran up to her uncle, completely out of breath. "Just in time too, the train is about to leave." He pulled her into a tight embrace. "I'm so sorry, Uncle Humidor. I completely lost track of time. Today was such a busy day for us, and so I wanted to relax with Starchbottom." Uncle Humidor handed the ticket to her as she explained why she had forgotten the day. "What were you doing at the castle anyway? You and Snarkleblossom sounded out of breath over the phone." She let out a small chuckle. "His name is Starchbottom. But...w-we were celebrating Valentines' Day."

 **I** t was finally their turn to board the train, Uncle Humidor was the first step foot on the train. As he ascended the steps, he turned his head looking rather confused. "Today is Valentines' Day?" Queen Delightful nodded. "I-I didn't realise I had scheduled the trip on the fourteenth. If I had known, I would've-" He stopped himself as she shot him a disappointed glare. Queen Delightful took her seat by the window, staring outside at the now vacant train station. She wasn't angry with her uncle, she greatly missed her husband and wanted nothing more than to snuggle with him on this long train ride. "I'm sorry, Queen Delightful. I shouldn't have pulled you away from your husband like that."

Uncle Humidor regretted forcing his niece to separate her from her husband for his own selfish needs. The last time he had seen her was during her wedding, which was almost a year and a half ago. When the queen had announced that she was getting married to Starchbottom, he didn't really approve of the idea of an elegant queen such as herself wedding her third advisor, let alone a commoner with no traces of a royal background. He was against it for a long time, until he began observe how much the queen and the assistant had truly loved each other. Eventually and soon enough, he approved of their relationship and marriage, much to their happiness. And now, he was pulling them apart, on Valentines' Day.

Uncle Humidor took a deep breath, putting a hand on her shoulder to gain her attention, he looked deep into her eyes. "I believe there's a can phone in the car ahead of us. You can give your husband a call and invite him on our trip." Queen Delightful's perky and cheerful spirit returned to her face. "Really?! But, you said you wanted to spend time with me and-" "Forget what I said. It was wrong of me to separate you and your one true love like this, especially on the holiday of love. And besides, this is my given chance to get to know my nephew-in-law a little more." The queen gave her uncle a squeeze, silently thanking him. As she was getting up, she realised that it may be too late to phone him. "Wait a minute, isn't the train about to leave?" Her uncle smiled up at her. "Actually, there's a thirty minute delay because one of the cars behind ours had derailed. I didn't tell you that because you were taking your sweet time getting here." Queen Delightful couldn't help but smirk at him.

King Starchbottom arrived at the station in less than twenty minutes, just in time before the train took off. The king and queen hugged each other tightly as they watched silhouettes of trees flash by quickly before them. The moon let its soft rays illuminate the couple, allowing them to gaze at each other momentarily. The queen let out a small yawn, snuggling against her husband's chest. "Starchy, this has been the best Valentines' Day thus far." "I'm glad you think so, my Sweet Delight." He gave her forehead a kiss as she fell asleep in his arms.

Uncle Humidor smiled at the two from his seat across from them. "Why don't you rest a bit yourself...er- S-Starbottom is it?" "Starchbottom, sir. B-but I would like to thank you for inviting me on your trip. I really appreciate it." "It was no problem. I figured that I could get to know my nephew better." Starchbottom felt his cheeks glow when Humidor had called him his nephew. Starchy beamed at him one final time before he turned himself towards the window, with his wife still grasping onto him, so he could rest for a while. Uncle Humidor pulled out his book of exotic and endangered birds, hoping that by reading, the duration of the train ride would elapse quickly.


End file.
